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The further I get away from it, the more I realize how paxil changed me. My thoughts, and my behaviors were seemingly alien. I can't use it as a way to get out of the things I did though, no matter what was going on inside my head, the decisions I made still reflect me on a very fundamental level. There are things I will never do again, some lessons only need to be learned once. Some emptinesses can't be filled, and some ghosts will always seem to haunt your nightmares. So I move on, and forget, because there is a world out there that isn't stuck on "no," and to dwell any longer would be a betrayal of self. So, no, don't even go down that road. Don't even think about it for a split second anymore, I have a cocktail to finish, and the rest of my life to not ruin.
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