Zach (elzacho (Related) elzacho ) wrote,
@ 2002 (Related) -04 (Related) -15 (Related) 09:24:00
Floods at Work
Last Sunday morning I had to work an extra four hours. I wasn't really thrilled about it. I thought it was gonna be an easy night, having lost an hour for daylight savings time and all. However, the first shift console operator got sick, so ol' Zach had to stay over. It really sucked because I had to stay over into my days off. Anyway, when I finally came home and went to bed, I slept like a rock. I slept so long that I thought I was gonna see flying cars and space ships when I looked out the window.
Anyway, I called up work to whine to Lou (the other 3rd shift console operator) about having to work overtime. Of course, he didn't seem to care because he said that a water main broke and he was standing in about a foot of water. And I thought I had a bad night.
Finally, Tuesday rolled around and I went back into work. What a mess! The carpet was torn out, it smelled like a rotting corpse with uncontrollable flatulence, and everything was covered in dirt. It almost looked as bad as my ghetto ex-girlfriend's living room!
Apparently, what had happened was at 10:00 Sunday night, Lou got all these pump alarms on the Cypress computer (You probably don't know what this means, but that's because you're a moron) and he was like "Oh, sh**!" So Dave (the sarge) goes to check it out and as he turned, he saw a rush of water heading down the hall. He was like, "Start picking stuff up off the floor!"
Instead of grabbing the electronics, they started hording all of the priceless blank paper. Well anyway, as Lou was about to page Bob (the chief), he noticed that the surge protector was about to become wetter than my gym clothes after a fifty yard dash. So what did he do? He reached down into the water and picked it right up! Did I mention that Lou is generally one of the smartest people I know?
Dave went outside to check out the problem. He walked over to the offices next to ours and looked in the window as chair went floating by. Then a wastebasket. Then a laptop computer. He was like, "Holy crap!" So he and a big crowd went over to the back door to open it and let the water out so the whole front end of the plant doesn't explode like an Afghan army base. He was just about to open the door, but then he realized that the rushing water would probably crush him like a bug. So then he ran out to Big Red (his red truck, not the fat redhead he once had relations with who went by the same nickname) and grabbed some rope to make a lariat. He tied that puppy on the door, jerked on it, and the door cane busting open followed by a billion gallons of water and office supplies. It was like Office Depot meets Splash Mountain.
Last night I went down to what used to be the offices next to ours and saw that the walls were caved in, the floor was bubbled up, and sand, water, and dirt were everywhere. Man, did it stink. I heard there was over a million dollars worth of damage. All that dampness made me realize that I had to pee, so I climbed through the rubble to find the bathroom. As I walked in, the urinal fell off the wall and shattered into a million pieces so I peed on the shattered urinal on the ground. Boy, I've never seen a janitor with such a foul mouth. He didn't have to bend down and sweep it up right away.
Anyway, I guess we're getting a new office sometime soon. That would be great, seeing as how we're working in what smells like raw sewage right now. Oh yeah, and I had to do two consecutive key tours last night. That sucked!
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